Friday, 13 June 2014

Muses of a rambling mind .....

Whoa, been a while since I blogged anything – being honest I’ve not really had much to say, that’s not to say that things haven’t happened that have either riled me up or had me jumping for joy, just that the things that have happened have been really rather personal…. 

Strange as it is that I, the biggest advocate for journaling, has suddenly gone so quiet … well, a lot of that is to do with the things I do want to discuss, putting them into words gives energy to the whole situation and being honest, I’m happier when I’m keeping my energy to do the healing work with and for my clients ……… 

The other day on FB I received a message berating me for ‘deleting’ someone and having my whole attitude called into question, I replied politely to that message but it did get me thinking about things – and I realised that a few short months ago that message would have had me begging for forgiveness and desperately trying to right the wrong that I had inadvertently done to this person.  Why?  This person hadn’t connected with me via FB in months and I would never be able to meet them in person, they aren’t blood family, so why would I be desperate to keep them in my life?  

It is all down to insecurity, I believed that my worth was based on how my friends perceived me, how could I be this all loving, all caring person if so and so didn’t like me, how could I be a healer if I had someone throwing me daggers from the other room.  

But that idea is all wrong, I don’t need people to validate my worth, I need to validate my worth, I need to know that I am good, loving, caring and compassionate.  I need to know that decisions I make for myself are based on what is best for my Soul’s Path in this lifetime.  I will make mistakes, I will ‘slip up’ and that’s part of the journey that I contracted into in this lifetime.  No-one is perfect and everyone makes those mistakes, it’s all about how you react to those mistakes do you take the situation personally and then change who you are and what you believe to fit someone else’s mould? 

I have been on a lot of courses, I have worked hard for the credentials that I have, I’ve cried buckets and sweated blood to get where I am today, and yet until recently I still held others journeys up against mine and found myself lacking, I devoted hours of energy worrying about why they had the ‘good stuff’ while I was still floundering in a sea of confusion, lost in a fog of incomprehension.
I fretted and worried at it like a wobbly tooth, causing myself more pain and angst.  I read books, I said affirmations, I waited patiently for the ‘good stuff’ to come (I’m not talking material wealth here) and I waited, and I waited and I waited …….. 

Finally, I realised that I was sabotaging myself, by trying to be everything to everyone I wasn’t honouring myself, I wasn’t savouring the moment that I was in, I was searching for a future that wasn’t here yet.  I, finally, realised that tho I could respect others and their journey’s I had no need to be jealous or worried that they were doing better than me because they weren’t wearing my shoes, and I certainly wasn’t wearing theirs…. They have their own insecurities and worries, I realised that they may look at others and be just as ‘jealous’.  It is human nature to be in ‘competition’ and to want to be like those we hold to a high esteem, but these people are human too and they still put their trousers on ‘one leg at a time’. 

I finally realised that they are no better or worse than me and that although I admire or admired them, they still have feet of clay. 

I now work very closely with my Angelic guides to help me to become the best ME there is, it may mean that I delete more off of FB, it may mean that I branch out and do more courses, or it may mean that I do more of what I am already doing.  The one thing I can guarantee is that it will be my Path, and it will be taken one step at a time at a pace that is right for me… 

So, for someone who had nothing to say – I think I said a lot! 

Love and angel blessings to all 

Lesley x x x